SchicksaChick Dictionary

Explanations and abbreviations for SC’s

Nice Jewish Boy = NJB Sometimes known as a Mensch or my son-the-doctor

Goy = Non-Jew (male or female)

Diaspora = The world, excluding Israel

Sabra = a Jew born in Israel e.g. Bar Rafaeli. If all Jewish girls looked like this, NJB’s would never date Schicksas

Ashkenazi = a European Jew (Caucasian) e.g. Albert Einstein, Bette Midler

Sephardi = a North African, Middle-Eastern, or Spanish Jew (Arabic /Mediterranean) e.g. Rham Emanuael, Bar Rafael

Kosher: Overcooked food with little, if any nutritional value. However, safe to eat in the desert since all the germs have died of overcooking

Circumcision: First male, Jewish rite of passage. Performed without anesthesia and before you are old enough to remember. Most Americans are circumcised, whether Jewish or not. This would have been very confusing if Adolf Hitler had been born in the USA instead of Austria. FYI; the Pope is probably not circumcised. (Editor’s note: If you are not sure how to recognize a circumcised penis, I would recommend that you watch Bruno is Here starring Sacha Baron Cohen, another NJB who has a SC girlfriend

Barmitzvah*: Second male Jewish rite of passage. Lots of money is spent on this one day wonder and hopefully received as gifts. Worse than a wedding since there is no divorce to undo the damage

Batmitzvah*: Female barmitzvah. A new phenomenon. Didn’t exist when I was a kid.

*Comment: Both are similar to a wedding i.e. full of symbolism and good intentions. Main difference to a wedding is that no divorce is necessary. However you can never be un-bar’ or bat-mitzvah’ed or uncircumcised for that matter. In case you are wondering, the male right of circumcision has not yet been adopted by Jewish girls, unlike barmitzvahs. Something for the future?

Mitzvah=celebration

circum=around

cision= cut

Israel: This is where the Jewish Home Team hangs out. They have many popular sports such as hand-to-hand combat and dancing around campfires. Israel is primarily known for politicians who never wear neckties, and for having no natural resources such as oil or natural gas. So much for being the chosen people. What was G-d thinking? Didn’t he anticipate oil prices going through the proverbial roof?