SC Fashion and Personal Grooming Guide
What not to wear and what to wear when dating a NJB.
This is really important because you can’t nab a NJB if you don’t look the part. The Quintessential NJB is Upper Middle Class, professional and cosmopolitan. He won’t be impressed by a broad Brooklyn accent and a track-suit unless he is also from Brooklyn and wears a track suit.
Jeans are usually verboten. Unless you own the building and just came off the construction site.
Pants or Trousers in general, are not very sexy. It is less of an effort to look feminine in something that shows your legs.
Capri pants are even worse, unless you are Sophia Loren. They make you look short and dumpy. Pant skirts are the worst.
Hipsters are also out unless you are 5’ 10” or taller and have no fat in your mid-section. This only applies to super-models. Showing too much flesh below your belly button just elongates your midsection at the expense of your legs. Show him what a great tummy you have when he undresses you.
P.S. It is not cool for your butt crack to hang out when you bend over, sit or just walk around. Unless you are drop-dead gorgeous and tall and you don’t wear panties or you just like your butt crack to hang out. Either way it probably won’t attract the right kind of NJB. They can find that kind in topless bars.
Clothes, make-up and hair styles that are inherited, are to be avoided. The same goes for men. If your NJB is wearing his father’s tuxedo then he probably prefers his mother to you. Bouffant styles and pill box hats have been out since Jackie Kennedy was in the White House and Coco Chanel was in style. Marylin Monroe never wore a hat or a bouffant style hair-do. Hats may look good in a synagogue or at Ascot (both questionable). Neither is a good place to find a SC. Similarly, crowns and diamond tiaras are not fashion statements, except maybe in a beauty pageant.
Any form of curtain fabric worn as an article of clothing (e.g. tweeds) is a also a fashion red flag. Other turn-offs are Tartan fabrics. Tartan hats and tartan capri pants which would be a double turn-off. When in doubt, pick a little black dress.
Don’t wear flat comfortable shoes (unless you are six foot two inches tall like Julia Child). The same goes for Wellington boots, Uggs ( my pet hate) and Barbour jackets.
Some more thoughts on Jeans: Jeans should be skin-tight and are OK if you have phenomenal long legs and a perfect bum. They should be worn only with high heels and nothing else (see model above). Jeans, unfortunately, are usually worn by short fat stubby people with Kim Kardashian type bums. ‘Guess Jeans by Marciano’ are the ONLYones to wear if you are a SC. Don’t wear tights. Avoid hipsters and Capri type cuts.
Americans have a wardrobe for every season. Don’t wear the same clothes all year round (although it is hard to discern the Seasons in England. Boots and suedes are for Autumn (Fall) and Winter. Kakhis, whites, linens in Summer only.
Appropriate Wellington Boots for SC’s.
The best ‘wellies’ are black by Chanel and currently at Saks and only $350. These look great on a wet day when entertaining friends on the ‘property’. They will mark you indelibly as not a Sloane type so that nobody could make any polite mistakes. They look great and are utterly unsuitable for anything practical such as point-to-point or farming. The Hunter type, if you own them, can be bought at Carrefours in France for 10 Euro and look great when walking the dog at night in something transparent.
Dress length: Shorter under 30 and longer over 40.
Straight white teeth are essential. There is nothing redeeming about a bad set of teeth. It is like a cheap pair of shoes or a bad hair-cut. It is irredeemable.
Beware any woman who says ‘I never wear make-up’. Chances are that when she does, she will go out ‘all-guns-blazing’. Make-up is an Art that a woman should use strategically and not just for special occasions. The Texan girls in Dallas and Houston, understand this best.
More than one piercing in the ear is to be avoided.
Belly-button piercing, nipple and vulval piercing are also potential negative signals.
Hairy arms and legs are definitely a stinky turn off. Deodorant is also recommended. The European ‘waft’ is not attractive.
Pubic hair which extends onto the upper thighs or above your panty line or is so luxuriant as to look like bubble wrap under your panties, is just unattractive unless your NJB carries a Machete and likes to go on Safari. Pubic hair is not considered a fashion accessory. Best just not to have it. (Boys and Girls). Or else consider a Brazilian shave.
Tattoos.Never seen one I actually like. Angelina Jolie would be in the Top 10 List, if not for hers. Pamela Anderson definitely stepped down a few tiers from her Baywatch days, when she got that weird tattoo on her left arm. She is now in danger of becoming a caricature rather than a SchicksaChick as she makes that fatal mistake of dressing and acting like a 20 year-old for the rest of her natural life.
Generally a tattoo should never be visible. I hate ones that go around your ankle or your arm (like Pamela’s). Slutty ones with arrows that point to the nether regions are particularly disgusting. If your date needs a sign-post then you are in trouble.
Another fashion statement you should avoid if you are a SC, is a big nose or tiny breasts. The quintessential SC has a cute pert nose (i.e. not like most Nice Jewish Girls) and C cup breasts. This may not be politically correct (PC), but it’s a fact. This is not to say that big noses and small breasts are always unattractive. These features are just less feminine and when there are fewer and fewer ways to distinguish a man from a woman these days, since they both often have short hair and wear pants, more the reason to accentuate the differences So if you need Plastic Surgery or Botox, don’t be shy, get it.
Hair length: Longer under 30 and shorter over 40
Also Grey is never in. Always keep your roots the same colour as the rest of your hair.